Legacy Course Review: Article #9
Closure: The Emotional Side of Estate & Legacy Planning
Source: Apartment News Magazine
By Timothy Gorman
Real Estate Broker/CPA/Entrepreneur
With seven weeks behind us, we have reached Week Eight of our Estate & Legacy Planning Series, shifting our focus to an often overlooked but critical aspect: the emotional side of planning. While legal, tax, and financial matters can be solved with logic and expertise, the emotional challenges of losing a loved one—navigating care needs, family dynamics, and grief—are far more complex and can have lasting consequences if not addressed in advance.
To help explore these issues, we are joined by Father Bill, an ordained priest, who shares guidance on handling grief from a spiritual perspective; Celine Jatico-Molendyk, from Assured Care and Staffing, who discusses caregiving options and the emotional realities of caregiving; and Ryan Young, Principal Attorney at OC Trial Group, who covers legal considerations, including trusts, taxes, estate closures, and estate-related litigation. Their insights highlight the importance of having these conversations now rather than waiting until decisions must be made under stress.
One of the surest ways to leave a tangled legacy is to avoid planning for these emotional aspects. Many assume they can deal with them “when the time comes,” but failing to prepare often leaves family members overwhelmed and at odds. The emotional impact of a loss can be just as significant as the financial and legal considerations, and a lack of planning can create confusion, resentment, and lasting disputes.
We tend to focus on what we assume is the hardest part of estate planning—taxes, trusts, and legal structures. With so much to understand, mistakes can feel inevitable and costly. The good news is that with proper planning and a knowledgeable team of professionals, these aspects can be managed effectively. However, the real challenges often come from the softer, more personal side of planning—the conversations, emotions, and family dynamics that can make or break a well-intended estate plan.
One key area is Advance Healthcare Directives and Living Wills. An Advance Healthcare Directive outlines medical treatment preferences and appoints a healthcare proxy to make decisions if you become incapacitated. A Living Will specifies which medical interventions you do or do not want, such as ventilators or feeding tubes. These documents should be reviewed regularly and discussed openly with family members to ensure clarity. Too often, people assume that once they are in place, they do not need to be revisited. However, as medical advancements and personal circumstances change, updating them ensures your wishes remain relevant. Another common mistake is not fully investigating or communicating your true wishes. It’s easy to check a box that says, “Do Not Resuscitate,” but when the time comes, will your family understand and be emotionally prepared to follow through? Consider recording a video message or having open, honest conversations with loved ones to ensure your intentions are clear.
Caregiving is another issue that often goes unaddressed until a crisis occurs. The reality is that many of us will require caregiving support at some point, whether due to illness, aging, or disability. This care can come from family members or professionals. While hospice and palliative care offer some assistance, they are not comprehensive, round-the-clock solutions. Families should explore long-term care options early—whether in-home care, assisted living, or skilled nursing facilities—to determine what best aligns with personal and financial circumstances. One of the most important things you can do is involve your loved one in these discussions while they are still fully capable of expressing their preferences. Visiting facilities, meeting caregivers, and understanding available options before they are needed provide peace of mind for everyone involved. Waiting until a crisis occurs will force a rushed decision and will add unnecessary stress.
Beyond the practical aspects of estate planning, the emotional and psychological impact of loss is often underestimated. Executors, trustees, and beneficiaries must navigate not only legal and financial responsibilities but also their own emotions and those of their family members. Grief can cloud judgment, delay decision-making, and create tension among family members. Ignoring the emotional side of estate planning can lead to burnout, conflict, and poor choices. Families should be encouraged to seek support, whether through grief counseling, support groups, or simply by having open discussions about what to expect. Rushing through estate matters without acknowledging the emotional weight of decisions can create unnecessary tension and regret. Having resources and trusted professionals in place before they are needed can make a difficult time more manageable.
The key takeaway here is not to underestimate the human side of estate planning. The legal and financial details will be handled with the right advisors, but the emotional impact on your family will last far beyond the paperwork. Thoughtful planning and open conversations can ease the burden on your loved ones, reducing stress and uncertainty when the time comes. More than anything, the final gift you can give your family is a sense of togetherness and support for one another during a difficult time.
As we continue the Estate & Legacy Planning Series, next month we will explore some of the most common estate planning mistakes in legal, tax, and financial areas. These missteps can be costly, but they are entirely avoidable with the right preparation.