Chronicles of an Executor: Article #10
Refecting on Missteps
Source: Apartment News Magazine
By Timothy Gorman
Real Estate Broker/CPA/Entrepreneur
Reflecting on the journey since my father’s passing, this marks the tenth installment in our series, coinciding with the one-year anniversary of his departure. As I look back and process the events of the past year, I’ve come to realize the importance of acknowledging where we went wrong in our estate planning journey. This article serves as a personal account of our missteps and the lessons learned along the way. It’s a tale of how well-meaning plans can falter without clear, realistic, and consistent vision, and I hope our experiences can help others avoid similar pitfalls.
I offer a personal reflection on my family’s journey through estate planning, sharing the intricacies of our experience in navigating my father’s legacy. My father envisioned his estate as both a financial foundation and a testament to his love for us, intending to leave a legacy that enhanced our lives and honored his values. Our missteps have candidly tarnished that legacy and could have been avoided.
As time passed and my father aged, we witnessed subtle changes in him, a journey familiar to many families. In hindsight, perhaps we were overly optimistic, not fully grasping the gradual shifts in his faculties. Late-life changes to his estate plan, though not ill-intentioned, significantly diverged from his original intent. This deviation muddled his intended legacy and brought unforeseen complications and disappointments.
Here are some key insights from our journey…
Failure of “Correct” Communication: My Dad used to say, “practice does not make perfect, only CORRECT practice makes perfect”. Despite efforts to hold family meetings and informal conversations, we failed to ensure mutual understanding of health care and end-of-life planning. We could have supplemented our writing with video and even third-party verification from trusted friends or others. Respecting the wishes of the person nearing the end of life is crucial, and correct communication could have made this process smoother for us.
Failure to Appreciate the Complexities and Ramifications of Changes Late in Life: Late-life changes influenced by tax and financial considerations underscored the complexities of late-life fluctuations for estate planning, highlighting the need for clear intentions in such situations.
Failure to Understand Mental Health Declines: Many people suffer from some form of cognitive decline, dementia, or Alzheimer’s late in life. Not all symptoms manifest equally and in a “straight line.” Depending on how often you spend time with a person, the time of day (especially in our case the midafternoons), and how close your relationship, different family members could have different opinions. We could have been more direct in his condition and how we could all come together to support and help, and more importantly make difficult decisions when needed.
Not Addressing Family Dynamics & Cultural Differences: As with many families, we are blessed with a blend of personalities, cultures, and preferences. We did not fully appreciate these differences as it came to many of the end-of-life decisions. We could have avoided problems if we had taken more time to understand and discuss these differences clearly and directly.
Succumbing to Planning Fatigue: We spent what seemed like an eternity working, reworking details of the plan. Each time tweaking more, reverting back, and tweaking more. Not fully realizing how much age and dementia played a role. With so many revisions, in the end, we were all tired and wanted to be complete. We should have gone a little longer as some of the minor changes had unanticipated consequences.
Reflecting on our journey, it’s evident that even small missteps can significantly influence a legacy. Each mistake, whether an oversight or a miscommunication, contributed to a deviation from my father’s intended legacy. This collective impact underlines the complexity of estate planning, extending beyond financial and legal decisions to encompass emotional, cultural, and interpersonal family dynamics.
In the next article, I’ll dive deeper into the final stages of the estate administration and closure process, reflecting on the challenges and lessons learned. Stay tuned for more insights and guidance on this challenging yet rewarding journey.